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(PUBLISHED
WITH THE KIND PERMISSION OF THE
GRAVY TRAIN)
 Professor
Madasa-Hatta has long been recognised as the world’s leading
authority on Banana
Republic. Born and raised in Amerus, he studied history, political science
and sociology, graduating in ‘64. Finding himself to be
unemployable, he then, in a quest to “find himself” (in the
parlance of the time) and as a gesture of defiance against
Amerussian involvement in the conflict in Kongnam (he was trying
to evade the draft) set out on a world trip.
He did not get far. Arriving
in the capitol of Banana Republic, on the trail of rumours
of “the best weed either side of the equator” he was detained
in the notorius Central Prison and, ironically, branded an
Amerussian spy. These were days of chaos in Banana
Republic as it was during the 2nd Revolution, which saw the end
of the rule of President Muammar Kadaffy-Duk and the reinstatement
of the fanatical and ruthless President Gorgeous George
Washingline, who had earlier become the 1st president
of Banana Republic after independence and who was known by
his sycophantic, short-memoried followers as “Our Founding
Father”.
In a
daring escape from jail, Madasa-Hatta was taken by an ex-cellmate to the
province of the Northern Mountains of Banana Republic where he became a
convert to to the local religion, Rusted-Visionism, which advocates the use of a
potent locally cultivated plant, called gat, which has an unusually high
concentration of an aphrodisio-hallucinogenic agent, locally known as seedweed.
Smoking gat induces the most amazing sexual fantasies while, ironically,
rendering users permanently sterile and impotent, (not to mention the resultant
cumulative neural degeneration which sometimes leads to short-term memory loss).
Madasa-Hatta’s tendency, while
under the influence of gat, to, at length, lecture his fellow
believers on the nature of the cosmos as a multi-orgasmic entity
and the effect of this on the socio-anthropological and economic
development of the market economies of small, developing nations,
earned him the nickname of “the Professor”, a name by which he
prefers to be addressed to this day (by those who can succeed in
getting a word in edgewise during one of the prof’s unending
monologues).
On awakening one morning after a
week long religious  ceremony
during which particularly vast quantities of seedweed had been
consumed, he found himself to be Banana Republic’s
Minister of Foreign Affairs. Apparently Professor Hatta’s
erstwhile cellmate was none other than Fidel Castraight,
who had been fomenting his own successful revolution during the
time that the prof was in flaccid religio-sexual ecstasy. In a
gesture of thanks for
events which occurred during their escape, details of which have
never been revealed[i],
Fidel (or His Most Honoured Excellency President Castraight, as he
preferred to be addressed, and would jocularly remind those who
had forgotten and needed reminding by having to spend a night in
the crocodile pit) rewarded him with a government post. This was
the Professor’s first close encounter with true political power
and the workings of government, brief though that government’s
tenure was.
Since then he has been in and out of favour
with various governments of Banana Republic, depending on the whim of
those in power at any one time.
Freelance
reporter Marlon Jay met up with Prof. Madasa-Hatta recently at his seaside home
in the Banana Republic province of South Coast.
NEXT...
[i]
Although rumours have it that Professor Madasa-Hatter saved Comrade
Castraight’s life during the jailbreak
by distracting the “old man” (as the young
prisoners referred to their "protectors" in the prison) of the
then comely young Fidel at a crucial moment. Madasa-Hatter apparently
offered himself (in a manner of speaking) to the single-brain-celled
prisoner, a man known as El Loco, who was serving time for feeding his
mother and father. To the family dogs.
|
Prof Guys Madasa-Hatta
On The
History Of Banana
Republic
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