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India
and Pakistan: upping the ante
Delhi
– 21 May
The
long simmering conflict between India and Pakistan over the disputed
region of Kashmir has once again reached boiling point with troop levels
deployed on the border reaching record levels.
“The
fire is stoked. The water is almost boiling. A head of steam is building.
It is a pressure cooker, ready to explode” said Indian Army spokesman
Navakna Pramachand, casting nervous glances at the ridge a short distance
away, where Pakistani forces were, presumably, in a state of equal
readiness. “And yesterday morning, it did explode!” he
continued. “We had some samoosas and pappadoms just
getting nicely cooked and all, you know, when suddenly, without
provocation, the Pakistanis attacked! They fired a number of salvos of bharia
machli, with extra coriander. We immediately responded with hare
masala vala murgh, but only after we had added more of the spinach. We
thought that if we showed them we meant business, and would not tolerate
any incursions and all, you know, that they would back off. But NO! Before
we could even finish the hare masala, we faced a deluge of hyderabadi
biryani and all, you know! Colonel Lakhshmi got some hot rice in his
one eye, even! These Pakistanis are dastardly cowards and all, I tell you!
But we’ll show them! Right now we are cooking up some potato curry,
but without potatoes and with double strong curry! That will teach
them!”
The
U.S. State Department has been deeply concerned by the situation on the
South Asian sub-continent ever since 1997 when both countries tested curries
of increasing potency, finally becoming members of the club of nuclear
nations, even testing 10-megaton curries.
About
the recent escalation, State Dept. spokesman Ronald Atwood said: “Right
now hostilities are confined to non-curry dishes. We fear that an
escalation could lead to the use of even hotter curry dishes, and
therefore urge all parties concerned to exercise restraint.”
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